Grow Old Along with Me

"James Patterson has taken the plunge. So have Carl Hiaasen, Alexander McCall Smith, Neil Gaiman, Alice Hoffman and John Feinstein, among many others. And now it's Mary Higgins Clark's turn: she becomes the latest bestselling adult book author to try her hand at children's books. Next spring she'll publish her first picture book, Ghost Ship: A Cape Cod Story.…"

—"Mary Higgins Clark to Become Children's Author,"
Publishers Weekly Children's Bookshelf, August 11, 2006.

All books recommended for Grades K-8, and available through the Stochastic Book Club for Precocious Youths.

The Corridor Showcase Atrocity Exhibition, by J. G. Ballard. Sixth-grader Travis, a student at Ronald Reagan Elementary School, receives the assignment of filling the showcase outside his classroom with educational materials. He assembles a surrealistic multimedia presentation documenting fifty years of information overload, paranoia, psychotic consumerism, and sexual fetishism. Not only does he receive an "A" from his teacher, Mr. Jack Kennedy, but the school's principal, Marilyn Elizabeth Monroe-Taylor, becomes his lover, serving as a fatal succubus and psychopomp.

Wading Pools of Lust, by Samuel R. Delany. In a fantastical city of polymorphous perversity, a young orphaned brother and sister under the tutelage of a debauched sea captain who might very well be the Devil himself experience a wide range of drug-fueled sexual adventures. (NOTE: repackaged text is identical with Delany's adult novel, Tides of Lust, with the legalistic façade of juvenile characters being referenced as "one-hundred-and-twelve years old" removed throughout.)

Deathbird Fairytales, by Harlan Ellison. Narrated by the corpse of the author's little dog, these various tales illustrate the emptiness of the moral universe, the malign antipathy of the Judeo-Christian God, the treachery and self-servingness of mankind, and the traumas associated with growing up in the Midwest in the 1940s.

The Littlest Black Dahlia, by James Ellroy. A serial killer is abducting and horribly mutilating spelling-bee contestants, and little Tiffany-Amber Lexicon appears to be next in line for ritual slaughter. Unfortunately, there is no escape for her, and she is subsequently defenestrated, excoriated and excruciated, all while demanding that those terms be used in an exemplary sentence.

A Lunchroom Unknown, by Philip José Farmer. When a meteor lands in the backyard of ten-year-old Wally "Wold" Newton, his normal maturation is accelerated and he is transfigured into a priapic figure whose exploits in satyriasis both confound and amuse his classmates.

Bedtime Pot Stories, by Paul Krassner. Famed iconoclast and Yuppie founder Krassner provides a companion volume to his 1999 anthology Pot Stories for the Soul. Dozens of middle-school correspondents reveal their initial encounters with smoking marijuana, including humorous stories of busts, school expulsions, bad deals, munchies, unintentionally hilarious newscasts, and parental ignorance.

Camp Gravity's Rainbow, by Thomas Pynchon. Boy Scout Tyrone Slothrop discovers that his odd upbringing has endowed him with a prophetic sensitivity to incidents of bullies administering "Indian sunburns." His talents are co-opted by the elite and Machiavellian clique of Scouts at Camp Gravity's Rainbow, and Slothrop is soon overtaxed into evanescense. PARENTAL ADVISORY: caca-eating scenes included.

Playground of Night, by John Rechy. Pre-teen Richie Youngman feels compelled to haunt the school-bus parking lot, offering to do homework for money. He experiences a major embarrassment when, in front of a large afterschool crowd, bad boys steal his belt, causing his pants to fall down and thus revealing that he's wearing Powerpuff Girl undies.

Last Bikepath to Brooklyn, by Hubert Selby. Discovered in Selby's papers after his 2004 death, this novel chronicles the adventures of the blithely naïve Tralala, a young girl of eleven whose newspaper-delivery route takes her into a rough neighborhood where tips are nonexistent and gangs of rival newspaper boys await to ambush her and subject her to multiple noogies.

Cosmic Capgun Trigger, by Robert Anton Wilson. A child's primer on hallucinogenic mushrooms, brain reprogramming, Masonic rituals, Mayan calendric apocalypses, Discordian philosophy and anarchist culture-jamming. Sample exercises in monkey-wrenching the dominant paradigm are provided, as well as pointers on going underground.

If these titles have intrigued you, be sure to visit the Progeria Press website and register for e-mail updates. You'll learn in advance about such future offerings as The Lost Girlhood of Ramona Quimby, by Alan Moore and Beverly Cleary; Lord Horror's Guide for Making Friends, by David Britton; and Behold the Easter Bunny, by Michael Moorcock.