"Reality Show"

READERS were asked to pitch a reality TV show based on your favorite fantasy or science fiction story. Perhaps because of the competition's premise, the entries based on television shows or movies seemed to have a funnier edge. Congratulations to the winners who provided the basis for reality shows we actually want to watch.

Special thanks go to those who riffed on Robert A. Heinlein's "—And He Built a Crooked House—."

FIRST PRIZE:
Witch Swap
Witches from divergent backgrounds swap places in this socio-mystical experiment. Will the Munchkins of Oz survive the Blair Witch? Will Hogwarts welcome its new "Defense against the Dark Arts" professor: Broom Hilda? Future swaps include Morgan Le Fay/Willow Rosenberg; Granny Weatherwax/Sabrina the Teenage Witch; and Mary Poppins/Bellatrix Lestrange.
—Rodello Santos
Yonkers, NY

SECOND PRIZE:
Hells Kitchen: R'Lyeh
Red and Blue Teams will be armed with spice guns in an attempt to make the losing team appear more tasty to Great Cthulhu.
—Don Webb
Austin, TX

HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Vader Plus 8
Under the guidance of an insidious parental figure, eight young Sith apprentices are taught the ways of the Dark Side. But as the Rule of Two must apply—that there can only be one Master and one Apprentice—only the strongest one in the Force must survive!
—Roderick John (R.J.) Stewart
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

I'm an Android, Get Me Out of Here
Identify and round up the real animals whilst avoiding artifical ones & replicants. Top scores for owls and sheep. Additional bonus points for contestant with the least kipple in their living quarters at the end.
—Roger Elmer
Coventry, United Kingdom

Keeping Up with the Cardassians
Gul Dukat eats a Larish pie; Elim Garak plays a game of Kotra; Natima Lang has lunch with Quark.
—Mike Alexander
McMinnville, OR

DISHONORABLE MENTION:
What do all humanoid females have in common? Lando digs em! We've searched the galaxy for the most gorgeous females and brought them together on Cloud City to see who will be Lando's lucky lady. Feline, Twi Lek, or Bothan beauty, whatever your pleasure, Lando Loves the Ladies!
—John Hernandez
North Miami, FL

F&SF Competition #82: LIE TO ME

For our competition, we're stealing this amusing Facebook meme: tell me how we met...only lie to me. Base it on a popular science fiction or fantasy story, and most of all, make it funny. You have six attempts to refresh my memory on how we met—oh, and keep it under fifty words each.

Example:

Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson:

"You were delivering pizzas. I saw you speed into my burbclave with the hottest car east of Gila Highlands. Because you had thirteen more minutes on the clock, we talked suspension and batteries...for twelve minutes, fifty-nine seconds. Pizza delivered on time and still hot. Classy."

Make sure you include your ACTUAL HOME ADDRESS. You know...the place where the prizes are supposed to go.  

Rules: Send entries to Competition Editor, F&SF, 240 West 73rd St. #1201, New York, NY 10023-2794, or email entries to carol [a-t] cybrid [d-o-t] net. Be sure to include your contact information. Entries must be received by January 15, 2011. Judges are the editors of F&SF, and their decision is final. All entries become the property of F&SF.

Prizes: PRIZES: First prize will receive a copy of Terror in the House: The Early Kuttner, Vol. 1 (published by Haffner Press). Second prize will receive advance reading copies of three forthcoming novels. Any Honorable Mentions will receive one-year subscriptions to F&SF. Results of Competition 82 will appear in the Nov/Dec 2011 issue.